"Stand in a corner and cry softly. Chances are good that he'll come over to find out what's wrong."
Finding someone to spend your life with is supposed to be an adventure filled with love and romance, but here's the thing, sometimes that doesn't happen.
So what do you do when Mr. Right doesn't turn up? Well, according to a magazine from 1958, there are 129 options you can try out to help them find you!
A woman named Kim Marx-Kuczynski recently purchased an old McCall's magazine from 1958, and while flipping through all the vintage ads and photographs, she discovered an advice column that can only be described as impossibly hilarious.
The article states, "Sixteen people took part in McCall's brain-storming session on 'How To Find a Husband.' They were chosen largely because they were known to have good minds, lively ideas, and mature experience."
From the photos of the panel, you can see that is compromised mostly of men, with a couple of women added in as well.
Together they came up with 404 suggestions. "Some are tried and true but good to remember. Some are new and daring enough to get the most sophisticated bachelor in a gyroscopic spin!"
They narrowed down their results to the 129 best options that will find any woman the husband of her dreams, and wow, when you see their advice you'll actually be glad that dating apps are the new norm.
We'll highlight a few of the real winners, but don't worry, we'll add all the pictures in so you can see all 129 suggestions.
2. Have your car break down at strategic places.
That's what you want right? You want to have your car nearly broken and then drive it somewhere that a bunch of eligible bachelors hang out so one of them will rescue you. Just make sure it doesn't break down before you get there, because it's 1958 and it's not like you have a cellphone to call a tow truck.
6. Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.
You know, they may be grieving, but it's never too early to start making you move, or at least that's how it was in 1958.
10. Become a nurse or an air-line stewardess - they have very high marriage rates.
You know, as a nurse you'll be able to see which men are becoming widowers so you can sneak in and get to them before those obituary scanners get their chance!
19. Get lost at football games.
"Oh, sorry gentlemen, I somehow ended up in the men's washroom! Could someone walk me back to my seat?" Works like a charm in 1958.
23. Go to all reunions of your high school or college class. There may be widowers there.
Once again, 1958 is coming for you, grieving people! Sure, you missed out on getting them the first time around, but now that their first choice is dead, they're all yours!
24. Don't be afraid to associate with more attractive girls; they may have some leftovers.
You know how your friends will share their fries when they get full? Well, apparently this happens with men too, and they are totally okay with being passed off like some cold potatoes.
30. Learn to paint. Set up easel outside engineering school.
You've got to get yourself an engineer, that's just fact, but where can you even find them!? May as well go directly to the source, right?
33. Carry a hatbox.
Why? He'll ask the same thing, then boom, husband.
40. Stand in a corner and cry softly. Chances are good that he'll come over to find out what's wrong.
You know, learning to cry on command is an impressive skill that a lot of actors work hard to perfect. If you can muster up a convincing performance, who needs a husband, you've got to head to Hollywood!
46. If there's a wallflower among the men you know, why not cultivate him? For all you know, he may be a diamond in the rough.
You know, cultivate him, prune him, fertilize him... Wait, I think we're getting confused here.
50. Practice your drinking with your women friends first.
You wouldn't want to embarrass yourself when consuming beverages in front of a man, how would you ever live it down?
58. Get a sunburn.
Nothing is hotter than blistery and peeling skin.
70. Don't be too fussy.
Sometimes you've got to take what you can get.
71. Stick to your moral standards.
Okay, back to back do you see how this advice is confusing? I can't be fussy, but I have to stick to my standards? Which one is it?!
80. Talk to his father about business and agree that taxes are too high!
Ugh, the economy, am I right?
84. If he's a fisherman, learn to scale and clean fish.
You know, nothing says romance like scaling a fish.
90. Never let him know he's the only one, even if you have to stay home one or two nights a week!
The secret to getting a husband is to pretend you don't want him at all apparently.
93. Find out about the girls he hasn't married. Don't repeat the mistakes they made.
Step one, track down all of his exes. Step two, interrogate them about what went wrong. Step three, somehow convince him that this isn't weird behavior in the least and that you're totally not wanting to settle down any time soon so don't even worry about it.
99. Resist the urge to make him over - before marriage, that is!
After you get married feel free to burn all of his clothes and cut his hair. Don't worry, now he's trapped!
104. If he's rich, tell him you like his money - the honesty will intrigue him!
Yes, that's what men like. If you're going to be a gold digger, be honest about it.
110. Point out to him that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.
Does he want to die? No? Well, then he better get to the altar!
113. If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he's fat too, tell him you're adopted!
Genetics are no laughing matter.
114. Stow away on a battleship.
Because that's exactly where you want to meet for the first time, in the middle of a barrage of missiles in the middle of the ocean.
121. Stand on a busy street corner with a lasso.
You're guaranteed to wrangle yourself a cowboy in no time.
124. Make and sell toupees - bald men are easy catches!
Remember, don't be fussy.